Sober, Day 91

I’m writing this so I remember it when I reach 100 days next Friday. So I remember how much I want to quit. For what reason? Because weirdly the closer I get to 100, it just feels arbitrary. What’s the difference between 3 months and 100 days? Well 9. And guess what? 9 days are arbitrary if the goal was to white knuckle it to 100 for the sake of 100.

That wasn’t and isn’t the goal. The goal isn’t deprivation. The goal is realignment, nourishment, and exploration. Also 66 days is how long it takes to make a new habit. 34 was a bonus “month”. I wanted to use 100 days to build my toolkit. My tools for boredom, stress, even celebration had started to habitually include opening a bottle and that didn’t align with my life goals or my life capital V values. I didn’t like how alcohol was becoming a player my life (as it had other times of stress/chaos) and so I flagged it. Put it on the bench.

In these 3 months, boredom has been the biggest trigger for wanting a glass of Bordeaux. We’ve been home for months. The drastic reduction in my anxiety (which is the bi product of alcohol) from being sober is notable and so I stopped being triggered by stress or even sadness within a week or two. But boredom and “something to look forward to” those are times I have to dig in my toolkit. I’ve read, yoga-ed, treated myself to good bath products, journaled, bought fun AF drinks, redecorated etc. I’ve also listened to Quit Like a Woman 2x in the last 91 days.

The goal on and on, 100 days or until I’m 100, is to live in alignment with my core values. That means constantly keeping an eye on the socially accepted drug that is never called a drug. But it is it’s a drug, an addictive, carcinogen neurotoxin. That pairs really well with pasta.