Desmond has hated wind since they first met. Hates when “it’s winding!!” He still does what he did when he was an infant, sharp frantic inhales when wind touches his face. Like he just saved himself from drowning.

Today we had a real day just the two of us because P is in school (all the feelings) so we hit the pump track and lunch in Gig Harbor. But as we sat down to eat IT WAS WINDING!!! And the wind was making his sandwich paper move. He began to scream and cry that it wasn’t okay that his sandwich paper was fluttering in the wind. I fixed it. And then as he tried to calm down choking heaving sobs, he screamed the truest truth, “ I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CALM DOWN!!!!” I asked if it was okay to hug him, sometimes it’s not, and he agreed to try that. I hugged him took deep breaths. Soon he was ready to eat.

Phew, I get it. Being alive is a lot. Whether your sandwich paper is fluttering or you don’t feel seen or we’ve been living in a pandemic for a full year or your kid is back in school...it’s really hard to calm down. I’ve been crying (or on the verge of tears) for a few days straight. No one real reason, just a constant threat that I’m going to cry. So I dunno, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CALM DOWN! But I’m trying.